twin flames

One of my co-workers mentioned the term 'twin flame' when we were talking about soulmates. I had never heard of the term so I took the time to look it up. Turns out that a twin flame is different than a soul mate. We can all have multiple soul mates through out our life and at the same time. A soulmate doesn't have to be a romantic interest or partner. A twin flame is strictly a romantic interest or partner but it is also a stronger bond than that of a soul mate. Twin flames are basically opposites of the same soul, so once together they complete each other. Soul mates are two different souls that complement one another.

Typical signs that you're in a twin flame relationship:

1. Instant familiarity. It's like you've met before but you can't quite figure out why it feels that way. 

2. Love develops quickly, too quickly. Most twin flames feel scared initially and try to control their emotions because it feels too intense. 

3. When together they seem to know what the other is thinking just by making eye contact or being near them. 

4. Even when apart they have a strange bond. Some even feel when the other person is feeling an extreme emotion. It's sort of a telepathic connection. At the same time they both feel like there's something missing of themselves. 

5. A sense of safety and like you've found a home in them. You can be yourselves and you accept each other as you are. 

I read that the master numbers are also always present in these relationships. Master numbers are 11, 22, and 33. It's a numerology thing. It's interesting. I looked it up and got sucked into this black hole of mysticism. I think I spent like four hours reading about numerology. My Life Path number is 8, by the way, also known as the number of power. It basically said that no matter what I do I am bound to find success and even when I find myself in a tough situation I will find a way to overcome it. It's the number of leaders. Anyway, back to how the numbers 11, 22, and 33 show up when you meet your twin flame. I read that the number 11 is the most significant of all the numbers and when you meet your twin flame you'll notice that the number 11 shows up a lot. It can be through the numerology in your date of birth, or one of you has the life path number 11. Most often you'll notice that they tend to contact you when the hour is at 11 minutes, etc. 

Do I believe in any of this? Sure, why not. I like things that make no fucking sense and you have to do all kinds of math and research for.

 Nothing can be simple for me. 

I also want to point out that the whole time I was reading about the twin flame dynamic all I could think was "This sounds like a toxic relationship pattern," because twin flames apparently tend to break up a few times in the beginning stages because they find the intensity they bring out in each other scary.

Worry not! There's also information on how to recognize your false twin flame, a false twin flame is basically a big loser dupe. Don't marry it.

Some of the signs:

1. They make you feel emotionally drained.
2. You are always anxious around them and feel uneasy, self-conscious.
3. They're out of the picture for prolonged periods of time.
4. They're emotionally manipulative.
5. Certain aspects of your personality anger them.
6. They're emotionally unavailable.

No matter how scary or difficult the situation might be, a twin flame will find it extremely hard to stay away, to be closed off, and they most definitely like you just as you are.

That sounds kinda sweet. I think for the most part I've met a bunch of false twin flames.

it's just a question of time

So I was listening to "A Question of Time" by Depeche Mode, and I mean, really listening to it and reading the lyrics. I had never listened to this song before and well, I came by it through a person who used to know how to shoot arrows right through my little dark heart. But that's beside the point. 

The point here is that I really love this song. Oh, by the way, little fact here: A Question of Time was first released on August 11, 1986. My birthday is August 11. Just thought that was a pretty cool coincidence. 

Anyway, let's be real here, it's definitely a problematic song. I read somewhere that Martin Gore, who wrote the song, was having an affair with a 15 year old at the time. So it's interesting that this is one of their popular songs. Should I feel bad about liking this song? It's my favorite Depeche Mode song right now. I've been thinking about it and I think that music, like any art form, is always open for interpretation and what it might mean to me can be extremely different from how someone else perceives it. The great thing about art being subjective is that we can edit out in our minds the parts that don't apply and still understand the feeling it conveys. 

To me, this song is all about that desperate need to have someone that perhaps you can't be with or shouldn't be with, and wanting to genuinely save them from themselves. What I really like about this song is that it's basically playing two parts, the savior role, but at the same time making it clear that it's more of a "Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't." We know he's just as bad as "his kind," if not worse, but he truly wants to believe he is the better option because he wants to "protect" her from the others but it's all, in reality, a selfish need. He wants the same thing they all do l, except maybe he wants to control that desire. And isn't that something that a majority of us have experienced? Lust we mistake for love or affection. Thinking we can save a person when we're the worst thing for them. Knowing we shouldn't pursue someone but being unable to help ourselves. Wanting someone only for ourselves just because it feeds our narcissism and we hate the thought of anyone else receiving their attention. 

Like most Depeche Mode songs it definitely has a dominant/submissive relationship vibe to it, but to me it seems a little unclear who really is the dominant here and who is the submissive. The pursuer or the pursued? The naïve girl or the 'wise' man? The one this song is about or the one whose need drove him to write it? The Dom/Sub dynamic is peculiar because the roles are always interchangeable, the two people involved are always a little bit of both. 

I definitely identify with the one being pursued. Been there many a times. 

my anti-resolutions

Got these from Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology site: 

1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months?

I want my romantic and intimate world to be like a Depeche Mode song,

"I give in to sin because I like to practice what I preach
I'm not trying to say I'll have it all my way
I'm always willing to learn when you've got something to teach
Oh, and I'll make it all worthwhile I'll make your heart smile"

So I guess you could say I want to cultivate Strangelove.

2. What nagging irritations will you ignore and avoid with even greater ingenuity?

I think I am most definitely going to ignore and avoid emotionally unavailable men. Expressive intensity only, please.

3. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption?

The act of having no filter when needed.
And perhaps being impulsive from time to time.

4. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?


This one's hard. I've never been a very conventional person. I like the strange, unique, and new. Exciting encounters and strange attractors have always been my thing. I guess I will continue following my rebellious and shocking heart.
I'm ok with straying from the rules and traditions of being a well behaved woman.