Today I had to call to cancel the ultrasound I had scheduled for tomorrow.
I had been having easier days and today it just hit me again. I miss being pregnant. I miss the tiny person I never got to meet and hold.

I lost my baby.
Nothing has ever hurt this much.

I loved this baby so much already. I bought baby clothes, and little tiny socks. A friend bought a tiny "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" outfit for him/her. The due date was Dec. 30th. I had the first ultrasound scheduled for May 30th. They were going to draw blood for a test to determine the gender.
Instead I had my first ultrasound around 2am this morning to find out my baby had passed.

My baby.
I don't know what to do with all this pain. It spills out everywhere.