needle in the hay

If you've known me for some time and you've paid attention, then you know by now that one of my favorite songs is Needle in the Hay by Elliott Smith. And so, I present to you a fresh start, a new home for my fragile, and at times turbulent feelings and thoughts: 6th & Powell, the block in my brain. 

Southeast 6th Avenue and Powell Boulevard are streets in Portland, home to Mr. Smith. The streets never really intersect. 6th Avenue is actually a short street with one end being a house and the other end the side of a parking lot. However, the pathway continues and you can walk until you reach Powell Boulevard. There's no crosswalk or corner, which could be the point in the song. Maybe it's to be interpreted as an obstacle, a dead end, wrong way, being lost, etc. Or perhaps he wanted to walk onto oncoming traffic? He was depressed and suicidal afterall. 

6th and Powell, a dead sweat in my teeth

Gonna walk, walk, walk

Four more blocks plus the one in my brain

In case anyone feels like listening to the song, I'm linking a scene from The Royal Tenenbaums:
(Note: It's Mordecai's suicide attempt, the scene isn't graphic or offensive but if you're sensitive to the subject you might find it triggering.)

I love Wes Anderson! And I think this is one of the best scenes he's written and shot. 

So why 6th & Powell? 
I hit the "permanently delete" button on The Imperfectionist blog some months ago. The memories in it weighed heavy on my heart and blocked my mind. I found it extremely difficult to log in and find inspiration to create anything new and it no longer felt like a place where I could safely and freely express myself. In all honesty, the events which transpired around my birthday are moments that changed my perspective on my surroundings. I've made many changes that have been for the better, and then I've also remained stuck in other aspects of myself. 6th & Powell is to me the mental block my anxiety creates, and what I tend to keep to myself. But I don't always see it as a sad and frustrating thing, in fact, sometimes I cultivate beautiful feelings and words, and lately I've been allowing it to inspire me instead of stopping me. However difficult and inconvinient, dead ends can turn into pathways. 

I always loved the way the names of the streets harmonized in the song. The world needed more Elliott Smith.