'cause we're all in this together

You know, I have been much happier in these past couple of months than I had been earlier in the year, but the empty feeling has remained. It's hard to describe... It's just that feeling like there's nothing special in me. At least, that had been the emotional atmosphere up until this week.
Maybe it's because it's the holiday season, and Sophia and I are big fans of everything Christmas from decorating the tree, making gingerbread houses, looking at Christmas lights and  watching parades, to dressing up in Christmas themes. Sophia is like the 6 year old version of Buddy the elf. She sings Christmas carols all day long everyday and looking at the Christmas tree makes her smile all the time. She's a pretty happy kid.
 But I'm finally starting to feel a little more like myself. Yesterday I called the Center for Family Solutions to sign up to sponsor a family who currently resides in their shelter. The holidays tends to be a difficult time for families who find themselves in these kind of situations, so the center offers a program in which anyone can sponsor a family or individual and you receive a list of the family members, their names, ages, a list of some of their favorite things and a wishlist.
My family is a family of a single mother(my age) and two boys(ages 7 and 4). My goal is to get everything on their wishlist.

The Center for Family Solutions and the WomanHaven have a special place in my heart.

When I was attending IVC and majoring in Social Science I was enrolled in a program offfered to single mothers. It was designed to help single mothers with college fees, book vouchers, transportation, and child care. There was a meeting we all had to attend at the beginning of the semester and the guest speaker was the manager of the center at the time. He told us why he was so passionate about helping women and children who are or have been victims of domestic violence.
He grew up with an abusive father, and much of that abuse was directed towards his mother. After years of abuse his mother finally left his father and she began to provide for herself and her children. He had several younger siblings. She began attending college and majored in Social Science, she wanted to be a social worker and help women like herself. But eventually his father came back into the picture and swore he was a changed man. And as it usually happens, the change didn't last for long. One day he came back home and as he walked in he heard screaming and crying coming from his parents bedroom and all his siblings were huddled together, scared and crying, on the living room sofa. He ran into the bedroom and his mother ran to him, handed him his baby brother and told him to RUN. He did as he was told, he and his siblings ran to the neighbors house and asked them to call 911. But by the time the cops arrived his mom was already dead. His father stabbed her to death.

He then read us one of the most gut wrenching poems I've ever heard. He wrote it himself, for his mother.

Because of his personal experience with domestic violence and because his mother never got the chance to fulfill her goal of helping women overcome abusive relationships, it became important to him to help women like his mother, and children like himself and his siblings.

About a year later I found myself on welfare and in order to receive cash aid I had to do volunteer work 24 hours a week. I chose the WomanHaven thrift shop. All profits go into funding the center, their services and the shelter. Any women and children who arrive at the shelter without posessions are given a voucher to get clothes and shoes from the thrift shop. The children were also give. A voucher so they could pick out some toys. I volunteered during the holidays and it was close to Christmas time. I'm never going to forget this moment. It still tears my heart into pieces.
A young pregnant woman came in to the thrift store with her two children, a girl and a boy(around 3 and 5 years old), and they had a voucher. So I helped them look for clothes and shoes. The woman looked so sad and a little lost. But the kids were so excited because they could pick out toys and the little boy even said something about it being early Christmas presents. And you know, they're all used toys, some in better shape than others. But they don't care about those things. Children see the best in everything and they're genuinely happy human beings. Just happy to be alive, to experience things, to be with their loved ones. And I just remember thinking how unfair it is that some shitty grown person can do this to these little happy humans, hurt them or put them in situations where they have no home, none of their own things.

It was also a humbling experience. I had been so depressed because I felt like a loser. I couldn't provide for Sophia and I applied to many places each week and with no call backs. But I lived with my parents and they have always been so much help and we never had to go without the things we needed. And yet I threw myself a pity party regularly.
That day I realized how self-absorbed I can be, and I also realized that there is people in our own town who go through so much worse and need all help they can get just to survive.

And you know, I'm not saying that I'm a great person or anything. I'm selfish by nature and often forget to ask others how they're doing or if they need anything. But I am empathetic.
I try to help when I can and with what I can because I know what it's like to need help, and I've received it. And that's a comforting thought... to know that total strangers are willing to do what they can to help, to keep you safe, to make you smile. So I think it's one of those things you have to contribute to, into building a nurturing community.

Ever since I got the wishlist for my family I've talked about to all my friends. I asked one of my friends to use the money she was using for my gift and instead help me check things off the wishlist. And she's been sending me pictures of stuff she's finding. Another friend also decided he wanted to chip in to help me get some of the things.
And it makes my heart so full to know I have good friends, who are kind and they really want to help however they can.
There's an event for all the sponsors to meet with the families to give them their gifts, so I'm going to ask them to come with me.